Warner Empire Launches Merch Line. Management Denies Everything.

A raven-run empire now sells shirts, skulls, and hats. Questions will not be taken.

(Salt Lake City, UT) October 26, 2026, Warner Empire, LC announced today that its merch line is open for business at warnerempire.com/merch and on Etsy. The line includes the Raven Tees, the Skulls Collection (twelve animal skulls, wordless, saying plenty), the Coincidence Collection (six shirts, one story, nobody saw anything), The Funny Ones, The Heartfelt Ones, hats, and greeting cards for people you like just enough.

Every shirt carries the crest of artist Amanda Foste on the back, because management insists on credit where it is owed. Tees are $34, hoodies are $58, and hats are $36.

"I have reviewed the merchandise personally," said Management, a raven. "It is allegedly excellent. The goat was not consulted and his objections have been noted and ignored. Follow the raven. The goat is lying to you."

Founder Guy Warner was unavailable for comment, as management handles all communications. "He builds the empire," the raven added. "I explain it, poorly, on purpose."

The empire also operates Eco Moving Utah and Bin X, though management wishes it noted that those are serious businesses and this is the fun one.

The raven has no further comment.