"I needed a drink just to eat my dinner": From life and soul of the party to hiding from the postman

*After years of heavy drinking, crippling anxiety, terrifying nights and a daily struggle with alcohol, West Midlands man Mikey Darlington is approaching his first year sober, and has just launched Sober Society, a completely free app inspired by his recovery.*

There was a time when Mikey Darlington was rarely far from a party.

He played rugby, ran a modelling agency and enjoyed a busy social life filled with friends, laughter and alcohol.

He was the life and soul of the party, and he freely admits he drank more than most.

Rugby had its drinking culture. The modelling world had its parties. And Mikey was hardly the bloke who needed persuading to join a party.

But looking back, he recognises that his relationship with alcohol was becoming unhealthy long before the crippling anxiety arrived.

His tolerance had grown. Drinking heavily had become normal. And many of the things he now regrets involved alcohol.

*"When I wasn't drinking, I was a decent, stand-up bloke. But if I'd done something stupid, you could almost guarantee alcohol was involved. I can't change those things now. Believe me, I would if I could. I've got to take things day by day, learn from my past and look towards the future."*

When the party stopped

Over time, alcohol went from something Mikey enjoyed to something he increasingly depended upon.

Anxiety crept into everyday life, followed by panic attacks and depression.

The man who once thrived on being around people began withdrawing from them.

He became frightened of opening letters. The sound of the postman arriving could trigger panic. His phone stayed on silent for weeks because he couldn't face dealing with calls or messages.

Work became increasingly difficult. His finances deteriorated. His appetite disappeared.

And the more anxious he became, the more he drank to calm himself down.

*"I wasn't drinking for fun anymore. I was drinking because I couldn't cope with how I felt. The ridiculous thing was that the alcohol was making my anxiety worse, but it was also the only thing that seemed to calm it down for a little while."*

At his lowest, he sometimes needed a drink simply to settle his nerves enough to eat dinner.

Not a glass of wine to enjoy with his food.

Alcohol just to manage eating it.

The nights were terrifying

If the days were bad, the nights could be worse.

Mikey experienced episodes consistent with *exploding head syndrome*, a recognised sleep disorder in which a person perceives an extremely loud bang or explosion while falling asleep or waking.

Despite its alarming name, it doesn't involve an actual explosion or physical injury.

For Mikey, the episodes came whenever he began drifting off.

Just as his exhausted body finally started to relax, BANG.

He'd be jolted awake, frightened and wide awake again.

He tried YouTube meditation videos, desperately hoping to settle himself. Sometimes he drank wine to try to get back to sleep.

On some nights, he might manage only an hour.

He'd lie there watching the clock, his thoughts racing, knowing morning was getting closer.

Three o'clock in the morning could feel particularly cruel. Every worry and every regret came rushing back, one after another. His thoughts were relentless, and there was no escaping them.

Sometimes the first sign that another night was over was hearing the birds outside.

*"I was absolutely exhausted, but I was frightened of falling asleep because I knew what was coming. I'd put meditation videos on, try to relax, and then it would happen again. Sometimes I'd still be awake when the birds started singing. Then I'd have another whole day to get through."*

Even sleep, which should have offered some escape, had become something to dread.

Waiting for the shop to open

Morning didn't bring relief.

Often, it meant waking into another panic attack, exhausted from the night before and already worrying about how to get through the day.

Mikey would watch the clock, waiting for the shop to open so he could buy wine.

The alcohol would temporarily quieten the panic.

And with it came the familiar promise.

I'll cut down tomorrow.

But tomorrow would arrive, bringing the same anxiety, the same exhaustion and the same desperate need for relief.

By lunchtime, there was another routine.

Around midday, when the pub opened, Mikey would head out under the pretence of taking the dog for a walk.

The destination was really the pub.

He'd spend around two hours there, drinking two or three pints until he began to feel something approaching normal.

And strangely, the pub wasn't just about alcohol.

The regulars were there like clockwork, and they were often his only real social contact during the day.

For a couple of hours, he could talk to the retired old boys, hear their stories and escape the relentless thoughts going round in his mind.

*"I'd tell myself I was taking the dog out, but I knew exactly where I was going. I'd have a couple of pints and, for a little while, I could feel almost normal again. The people in the pub were sometimes the only people I'd spoken to all day. It was somewhere I could escape what was going on in my mind."*

Afterwards, he'd try to eat.

But food was often difficult, and sometimes a protein shake was all he could manage.

The relief from drinking never lasted.

The anxiety returned. So did the guilt. And eventually came another night of desperately trying to sleep.

The days blurred together.

Mikey describes that period as a nightmare he couldn't seem to wake up from.

Groundhog Day.

Without the comedy.

When even tomorrow became frightening

The drinking, anxiety and depression began taking almost everything from his everyday life.

He could no longer work as he once had. He ran out of money. Ordinary responsibilities felt impossible.

He became consumed by guilt over things he'd done, things he hadn't done and the person he felt he'd become.

He worried that he was a bad person.

And he dreaded the next day before the current one had even finished.

Throughout it all, his family supported him unconditionally.

They never expressed frustration or made him feel like a burden. Their support never disappeared, and it continues today.

But Mikey's own guilt told him a different story.

He knew they remembered the outgoing, capable person he was on his good days. He imagined they must be wondering what had happened to him, even though they never said anything of the sort.

*"My family were absolutely brilliant, and they still are. They never lost patience with me. That was something I was imagining because I felt so guilty. They knew what I was capable of when I was well, and I couldn't understand why I couldn't just get back to being that person."*

Eventually, with his money gone and his life feeling increasingly unmanageable, Mikey reached out for help.

He spent a week staying with family and began confronting how serious things had become.

Doctors explained that suddenly stopping alcohol after becoming physically dependent could be dangerous and that he needed to reduce his drinking safely with medical guidance.

It wasn't a case of simply waking up one morning and deciding never to drink again.

Recovery was slow. There were setbacks.

And no one could do the hardest part for him.

Finding help without pretending to be someone else

Mikey explored different recovery options, including Alcoholics Anonymous.

He is quick to praise AA and the enormous difference its fellowship and 12-step programme have made to people's lives.

But he struggled with one particular aspect: the higher power.

AA allows members to interpret a higher power in their own way. It doesn't necessarily require belief in a religious God.

Even with that flexibility, Mikey couldn't reconcile the idea with his own beliefs.

*"I've got nothing but respect for AA. It's helped so many people, and I wouldn't dream of knocking it. But I couldn't get on board with the higher-power part. I couldn't just invent something to believe in because I thought I was supposed to. It made me feel like an imposter."*

He didn't want to criticise a programme that worked for others.

He simply needed something different.

Somewhere he could talk openly about drinking, anxiety, shame and recovery without feeling he had to believe in something that wasn't authentic to him.

Somewhere he could have a terrible day, admit it, and not feel judged.

And preferably somewhere people could still have a laugh.

So, at the beginning of his sobriety journey, he started a Facebook group.

He called it *Sober Society*.

The community that helped him find his way back

Sober Society began as a place where Mikey could find the understanding and connection he was looking for.

But he soon discovered he wasn't alone.

Other people were struggling with alcohol, anxiety, loneliness and the exhausting cycle of wanting to change but not knowing how.

Some wanted to stop completely. Others wanted to cut down. Some had been sober for years, while others were starting again after setbacks.

The Facebook group grew into a community of around *12,000 members*.

And the community wasn't just helping other people.

It was helping Mikey, too.

*"If it wasn't for Sober Society, I honestly can't imagine what sort of mess I'd be in now. It gave me somewhere to belong, people who understood and a reason to keep going. I knew nobody else could make the changes for me, but having that support made an enormous difference."*

That experience inspired him to take Sober Society further.

Sober Society has now launched as a completely free app

Mikey has just launched the *Sober Society app for iPhone and Android*, turning the idea behind the Facebook community into a dedicated place for people exploring a life with less alcohol.

The app is *completely free for everyone*, with no premium subscriptions or hidden fees.

It includes a supportive community, a *Coping Toolkit* for difficult moments, daily sobriety challenges, milestone and progress tracking, and tools showing how much money and how many calories users may save by reducing alcohol.

It also encourages healthier coping mechanisms and ways to manage difficult emotions without automatically reaching for a drink.

The app isn't just for people who have stopped drinking.

It's for anyone who's sober, sober-curious, taking a break, trying to cut down or beginning again.

There are no labels people must adopt to belong.

Mikey has personally funded the app because he doesn't want money to become another barrier to finding support.

*"I know what it's like to be struggling financially as well as mentally. The last thing I wanted was to build something that asks people for money when they're already having a difficult time. That's why Sober Society is free."*

He is also clear that an app cannot replace medical care or professional addiction treatment.

But he believes a supportive community, practical tools and encouragement can make a meaningful difference.

Almost a year sober, and finally looking forward to tomorrow

Mikey is now approaching his first full year sober, the longest period of sobriety he has achieved.

He doesn't claim to be cured.

He still has difficult days, and recovery remains something he works at.

Nor has he suddenly transformed into a permanently cheerful wellness guru who leaps out of bed every morning to meditate over a kale smoothie.

But life is very different.

The man who once watched the clock waiting for the wine shop to open is no longer living from one drink to the next.

The man who feared falling asleep can finally see a future beyond simply surviving another day.

And the person who once felt hopelessly alone has helped build a community where thousands of people can find connection.

*"I consider myself one of the lucky ones. I know how bad things can get, and I know there are people going through exactly what I went through who haven't told a soul."*

He's not sharing his story for sympathy, to preach about drinking or to pretend he's got all the answers.

He wants people to understand that alcohol dependence can happen behind perfectly ordinary front doors, to people who once appeared to have everything under control.

And that change is possible, even when it feels impossibly far away.

*"I'm nearly a year sober, and I'm proud of that. I've made mistakes, I've had setbacks and I've got things I wish I'd done differently. But I'm looking forward now, not backwards. For a long time, I dreaded tomorrow. These days, I'm actually looking forward to it."*

As for the postman?

He's still delivering the letters.

But Mikey has finally stopped organising his life around avoiding them.

SOBER SOCIETY, NEWLY LAUNCHED, COMPLETELY FREE

Sober Society is a free community and wellbeing app available on *iOS and Android*, designed for people who are sober, sober-curious or looking to reduce their alcohol consumption.

*Website and app downloads:*

https://pnbgt.r.ag.d.sendibm3.com/mk/cl/f/sh/6rqJfgq8dINmNvbSoZLeYjJNjTV/nB_cuSaOPbF5

*Press resources:*

https://pnbgt.r.ag.d.sendibm3.com/mk/cl/f/sh/6rqJfgq8dIPRQNtcIslCUKRJMmX/yeDVsGbwAL9c

*Media enquiries:*

info@sobersociety.co.uk

Mikey Darlington is available for newspaper, magazine, radio, television and podcast interviews. Photographs and further information are available on request.

*Notes to editors:* The Facebook community figure of approximately 12,000 refers to group membership, not app downloads or active app users. Sober Society is a peer-support and wellbeing resource, not a substitute for medical treatment. People who are physically dependent on alcohol should seek medical advice before stopping suddenly, as withdrawal can be dangerous.