"I've nearly finished. Last year I said no, but then I found out some journalist was writing an unauthorised book … they were trying to get something juicy, but I'm not Jordan! I've been doing it every day for six months… I started out [writing] in anger, but I've thrown myself into it," he says.

Peter Kay also reveals his acting ambitions.

"It was cracking," he says of his appearance in BBC ONE's Doctor Who this Saturday.

"It was like a holiday. [Now] I'd love to do a Harry Potter film … but I've only read the first book, I'm no good at reading fiction."

And he talks about his current favourite role, being father to his young son Charlie.

"I'm being a daddy, having a lovely time. Unbelievable, the best thing ever," he says.

Jonathan also welcomes to the show award-winning actor John Malkovich, currently in the UK filming new movie The Mutant Chronicles.

Based in France for many years, he has relocated to his native United States.

He says: "I have an epic tax war with the French authorities at the moment."

The line-up also includes Vic Reeves, who has completed the first volume of his autobiography, about his childhood, and who is a father again at the age of 47.

"That's it now," he says, "the pigsty's full!"

And music is provided by Muse performing their new single live in the studio.

Friday Night with Jonathan Ross, 16 June 2006, 10.35pm, BBC ONE